I apologize for the lack of posts recently – there is a reason for it. I named this blog Becoming Dre because I am constantly working on who I am and who I want to be and right now I am going through one of those stages of self discovery. I feel very alone and uncertain so when I am feeling this way I am not big on sharing or putting myself out there.
It is hard to go against the current or what is accepted. I have practically done this my whole life so not having a 8-5 job is just another one of these circumstances where I don’t want to follow the rules. I knew I would get questioning comments from family and that most people wouldn’t understand. On my side of the family I hear a lot of things like “I hear you are taking a break” and “what do you do all day” and from friends I get “how many interviews have you had” and links to job postings. Also, when meeting people for the first time and they ask me what I do and I don’t have the big firm or big corporation name to say anymore. And then they get that look of oh self employed aka you don’t do anything. I expected these things to happen and I am not one that cares what people think about me. When these things occur it just reminds me of how different I am and it makes me feel very alone. I am that one person going in the opposite direction in a huge crowd of people going in the other direction.
I don’t expect anyone to understand that I am trying to build an asset for the rest of my life and I don’t expect anyone to understand that I do not want the normal work 40 years plan of retirement. I am not blaming my family or friends for not understanding and I am also not complaining because this is what I chose to do. This feeling of being alone just makes me question myself and I am in a constant self battle about what I am capable of doing. I am not going to lie it is hard and I struggle everyday. I am scared I am not good enough, I am scared I am going to fail, I am scared to see my full potential, and I am scared of not trying. This is why not everyone does it because having a 8-5 seems very safe and comfortable and I see that now being on the other side.
Right now I am working on getting myself over this self doubt, self deconstruction, and fear. I have to conquer this before I can move on and really focus on what I am going to build for my future. I need to gain some confidence and assurance and I don’t have it right now. I am alone because I am the only one that can help myself get over it. I know I will get myself there, but for now I am in my own dark cave trying to find the light. So bare with me and my lack of inspiration and fearless attitude. A new Dre will be emerging soon I promise!