The thing I have been struggling with lately is my current job. I am not going to focus on all the negative but I am very unhappy and I don’t fit in well. Everyday it has been difficult to motivate myself and the toxic atmosphere has started to seep in and affect me.
I think the biggest struggle for me has been swallowing my pride to accept this fact. I have been fighting this reality because I thought this was my dream job. For the past 9 years I have worked so hard moving up the ranks and going job to job building up my resume and skills to be here. This was always my ultimate goal and the star in the sky for me to aim for. If I was here then I would be happy. So why am I so unhappy?
You all know we have a goal of paying off our house this year so I have been trying to “hang in there” and kept saying to myself just x more months. I don’t want to disappoint my husband and push our goal back so I have also felt pressure from this. I’ve been on auto pilot just trying to pass the days.
Yesterday was really tough so I had lunch with my husband to get away for a bit and we had a long talk about this. He knows I have been miserable and he knows I haven’t been myself lately. He also knows what this type of environment is like because he went through one himself in a job he hated. So he looked at me and he told me to resign. He reassured me that because of our goal we are actually in a really good place. We can live on one income and still pay extra on the house. It may push back our timeframe but it’s still doable. Me being miserable is not worth it and I shouldn’t feel stuck. If anything, this is the best opportunity in our lives for me to leave. It’s why we have worked so hard for this to feel more free and to do what we want.
I am the luckiest girl in the world to have such an amazing supporting and understanding husband. As the day went on we talked about it more and more. He has always wanted me to try my own thing because I have always had the entrepreneur spirit. Even as a kid at the age of 12 I set up a real life babysitter’s club with some friends, hung some flyers around the neighborhood, and actually got some calls for business only for my mom to get on the phone to say I wasn’t old enough (doh so embarrassing Mom). I would even set up my stuffed animals outside the house to try and sell them and one day I did (my poor parents)! My husband is so excited for me and he wants me to take the time to figure it out. He doesn’t want me to look for another job right away. He came up with the best metaphor last night as we were celebrating our new life coming up. He said I was like one of those block toys for children. I tried to fit into the triangle peg and it didn’t work, I tried to fit into the circle peg and it didn’t work, I tried to fit into the star peg and it didn’t work. It’s time to make my own.
So today I resigned as in this is my last day – it’s how things work around here. For the first time in my life I quit a job without an offer for another one. The first time I quit a job without knowing what is going to come next. The first time I am not going to move right onto the next disappointing place. The first time I am going to figure it out and take time for myself. I am going to work hard and be successful for me instead of for someone else. And knowing how I am I am going to find some way to make income and who knows maybe I will be making more than ever one day. I am going to build the life I want to have that allows me to travel full time instead of building a resume. I am not sure what that will be yet but it will be a journey and you better believe I will be sharing about it!
It feels like I am starting all over like going back to page 1 of my own book. It is unknown, scary, uncomfortable, and exciting all at once, but for the first time at the age of 34 I feel like my life is just beginning.