I am just checking in to let you guys know that I am still a mental case! Some days I feel like I can tackle anything and have all the confidence in the world and some days I feel like a total loser and want to crawl underneath a rock and die. Today was a tough day for me so I felt the latter. Even though I actually have 2 paying tax clients right now, even though I have gone out and networked at some meetups, even though I have a potential partnership with a local bookkeeper, and even though I am working on gaining my first potential marijuana retail client – I still wanted to give up today! I ran into a few problems with my tax software and logistics and I freaked the F out. Then came the “I can’t” statements again. So much so, that I actually looked at and applied to some jobs today…what am I doing?!
These are all the issues I am dealing with that stresses me out: I am lonely because I am by myself most of the day with no other human contact unless I get out to a meetup or meet clients; I have nothing to do but analyze and critic myself; I have to fight the lizard brain within myself whether I want to or not; I feel guilty for not contributing to the household income; I’ve made mistakes because I haven’t figured it out yet; and I take out all my insecurities on my poor husband. And at the same time: I know I have done some things right; I know it takes a lot of time and hard work; I know my husband supports me; and I know I have hustled my ass off. These are the things I am working on improving or overcoming and I am putting it in writing for the world to see. I don’t know many people that fess up about the mental challenges you face when trying to start a business so here I am telling you all…it’s not easy and it sucks. You will only focus on the negative and you will beat yourself up.
After my meltdown and pity party today I think I finally figured out why it feels so mentally unstable…we are always looking for excuses. I can no longer have the “I have a shitty job” excuse “they don’t do things like I would” excuse or “I don’t have time” excuse. And when some little thing goes wrong like my minute tax software problem today the first thing I wanted to do was use it as an excuse to quit. Well that is screwed up guess I am done or I made a mistake guess I can’t figure it out or this is too hard so I should give up. It’s only me and I have no excuses to hide behind. I am going to make mistakes and there will be problems that arise but that is no excuse as to why I can’t be successful. So I am done with the excuses….I am going to charge on full speed ahead, issues and all, and just keep going!