If you remember I wrote a post a while ago about the recurring elevator dream or nightmare I frequently had. It was always about me being in an elevator that would then turn upside down and flip in all directions with me inside trying to hold on for dear life. Well since I last wrote about it over a year and a half ago I am happy to say that I haven’t had it since…not even once! This is huge, like Trump huge, considering I used to have this nightmare a lot probably at least once a month. And I think I finally figured out why.
What has changed in that time that I no longer have this nightmare? Me. I finally decided to accept the person I am, do what I want to do and not care what others think. Of course this is a lot easier said than done….it took me 35 years to figure it out but I am glad I did. When I quit my job with no plan and started a business from ground zero, I learned quite a bit about myself. One of those things being to stop trying to fit in and to just be myself.
The Universe has been trying to tell me this my whole life and I never listened. Take all the jobs I had for instance, I never truly fit in with my coworkers or the culture. I moved from government to the corporate world to public accounting always thinking that with each move I would feel more satisfied or accepted. I just hadn’t found the right place, industry or position yet so I kept moving and searching only to keep feeling disappointed. I am in the tax and accounting field so usually people think this about their tax accountant:
Am I right?! Well I am not the typical tax accountant! Yes I love to work with numbers and can reconcile a bank statement and prepare a tax return like a boss, but I actually have a personality and love to talk to people! I never fit in with the usual accountant crowd nor did I ever fit in with the usual corporate greed or CPA firm kiss ass mentality. I used to prepare tax returns dealing with billions or millions for huge corporations and people but it never made me happy. And I ignored and denied my unhappiness because this is what I was supposed to do right? I am supposed to be like all my other tax accountant counterparts, I am supposed to work long hours every week and I am supposed to work for some large name that everyone knows and recognizes. The problem was it wasn’t me.
I tried to fit in and be the good little quiet secluded accountant in the corner and I tried to act like my work was important but what was a few thousand dollars saved on a billion dollar corporation profit and loss statement or balance sheet? What was finding tax savings for a rich millionaire who could do without? I was just another cog in the machine, one little fish in a sea of millions, and I needed to feel like I was making a real difference and actually helping others. I needed to feel like I was building relationships and not just financial statements. I needed to crack jokes and have some fun. I needed to be me.
When I finally gathered enough courage to just leave and do things my way, the scariest part was telling others. OMG what was everyone going to think? How was I going to answer the dreaded what do you do question? I didn’t have a big name to answer back anymore I only had my unemployed self with no clients. I had to let go caring about what others thought and it was tough….I struggled for many months. I just focused on finding myself again and eventually I had enough confidence that it no longer mattered to me. I was happy because I no longer had to try to fit in anywhere. I was happy being myself and gaining clients because of it 🙂
So if you are also having this dreaded elevator dream my advice to you is to look at an area of your life that you may be ignoring or denying because of fear. Stop trying to fight it and instead embrace it. Figure out why you feel that way and act on it. Don’t get trapped inside the crazy elevator and stand your ground…be yourself.